A Reminder

Another writing that is all over the place, maybe someday I will be able to collect my thoughts and write them out a little better! :)

It has been a couple days I have been unable to sleep. Anxiety, panic attacks and bad dreams. My daughter could be blind. It is incredible the little things that can make you break down. I was sitting on my couch looking out the window and holding my daughter when I burst into tears. It hit me, if she is blind she will never know what a color is, she will never see all of the beauty the world has to offer and her life will be based on every other sense. I am crying uncontrollably as I think of all of these things. The day finally arrives for her eye appointment and we are hoping to hear how much vision she has, if any. I hear the doctor tell me that if her lack of vision is due to intraventricular hemorrhages then there is nothing they will be able to do. More tears. Skip ahead a couple hours. I bring the kids to the Ronald McDonald house to visit a wonderful mama that has been there for a year now and helped me get through the 5 months I was there. I had no idea the effect this short visit would have on me.

The mama I was visiting and I have been trying to meet up several times that I have been down in the cities but it never seemed to work out. Now I truly believe that we are at times in our life where God wants us to be. And little did I know that during this visit I was going to be reminded of how precious life is and how truly blessed I am.  Kelly and I visited as we did everyday for the 5 months that I lived there. Our kids played together and had a great time. It was like they had never been apart and just picked up where we left off the last time we were there! It was great to see them so happy.

As I sat there visiting we started to talk about one of the little boys and his mom that were there with us too. They got to go home a month before us and then after we went home they ended back up in the hospital. This little boy went from doing good to being sick to now fighting for his life. I saw pictures and he doesn’t even look like the same little boy I knew. My heart is so incredibly sad. As we sit at the Ronald House I see all of these beautiful little children running around, some have cancer, others need transplants or dialysis or whatever may be wrong, they need it fixed. You quickly realize that some may not make it. You talk to other parents about their situations and you can see and hear the anger, frustration and sadness. I know that feeling. I felt it when Laurelyn was her sickest and they didn’t know if she would live. I know I am all over with this writing and there is a point to this writing I promise J  After a great visit with a friend I missed a lot and our children getting to see each other again, I finally get home. I am sitting up in my room thinking about all of the events that happened on this day. I start to cry for those children who are sick and fighting for their lives. Who am I to complain about my daughter?! God blessed me with a miracle and I am whining about her being blind. Shame on me. My daughter may have some developmental delays and learning issues but they can all be worked on with therapy and teachers. She may be partially or fully blind but there are so many that live full, successful, independent lives! She will be ok. She will thrive and we will always be there to love, support and teach her. There are so many families out there that have to miss out on even the smallest moments. As I am writing this I looked over at my baby girl who is sleeping soundly and she smiles in her sleep. Life is precious! There are so many out there that have it worse than us and I truly believe that God made this visit happen on this day to remind me that I am blessed and life is not as bad as it sometimes seems. So with that, I pray for all of the beautiful children fighting for their lives, overcoming diseases and the ones still trying to find out what’s wrong. I pray for strength to the families who have to make some of the hardest decisions they will ever have to make. Strength to them who need to be strong for their children! God surely is great and as hard as some of His “reminders” are, I appreciate them and I appreciate the life and gifts He has given to me! Prayers and love to everyone!