The beginning of my journey into blogging!

Well here beings my journey into blogging! Some of my posts will be serious and I also want to have fun with it too! I will be posting about topics related to being a stay at home mom, mom to a preemie, nicu stuff, pregnancy stuff, fun arts, crafts and treats to do with kids and much more! I will be posting links to articles that I find helpful, fun and funny! I want everyone to enjoy this blog without negativity! This blog will not be perfect as I am NOT a writer! I just want to share stories and hopefully be able to relate to people! Life is a crazy journey and I want to share the fun, the struggles and rewards of what I have been blessed with! Yes, I feel every challenge has been a blessing and lesson! I hope everyone who follows along enjoys and please no negativity! :)

A Reminder

Another writing that is all over the place, maybe someday I will be able to collect my thoughts and write them out a little better! :)

It has been a couple days I have been unable to sleep. Anxiety, panic attacks and bad dreams. My daughter could be blind. It is incredible the little things that can make you break down. I was sitting on my couch looking out the window and holding my daughter when I burst into tears. It hit me, if she is blind she will never know what a color is, she will never see all of the beauty the world has to offer and her life will be based on every other sense. I am crying uncontrollably as I think of all of these things. The day finally arrives for her eye appointment and we are hoping to hear how much vision she has, if any. I hear the doctor tell me that if her lack of vision is due to intraventricular hemorrhages then there is nothing they will be able to do. More tears. Skip ahead a couple hours. I bring the kids to the Ronald McDonald house to visit a wonderful mama that has been there for a year now and helped me get through the 5 months I was there. I had no idea the effect this short visit would have on me.

The mama I was visiting and I have been trying to meet up several times that I have been down in the cities but it never seemed to work out. Now I truly believe that we are at times in our life where God wants us to be. And little did I know that during this visit I was going to be reminded of how precious life is and how truly blessed I am.  Kelly and I visited as we did everyday for the 5 months that I lived there. Our kids played together and had a great time. It was like they had never been apart and just picked up where we left off the last time we were there! It was great to see them so happy.

As I sat there visiting we started to talk about one of the little boys and his mom that were there with us too. They got to go home a month before us and then after we went home they ended back up in the hospital. This little boy went from doing good to being sick to now fighting for his life. I saw pictures and he doesn’t even look like the same little boy I knew. My heart is so incredibly sad. As we sit at the Ronald House I see all of these beautiful little children running around, some have cancer, others need transplants or dialysis or whatever may be wrong, they need it fixed. You quickly realize that some may not make it. You talk to other parents about their situations and you can see and hear the anger, frustration and sadness. I know that feeling. I felt it when Laurelyn was her sickest and they didn’t know if she would live. I know I am all over with this writing and there is a point to this writing I promise J  After a great visit with a friend I missed a lot and our children getting to see each other again, I finally get home. I am sitting up in my room thinking about all of the events that happened on this day. I start to cry for those children who are sick and fighting for their lives. Who am I to complain about my daughter?! God blessed me with a miracle and I am whining about her being blind. Shame on me. My daughter may have some developmental delays and learning issues but they can all be worked on with therapy and teachers. She may be partially or fully blind but there are so many that live full, successful, independent lives! She will be ok. She will thrive and we will always be there to love, support and teach her. There are so many families out there that have to miss out on even the smallest moments. As I am writing this I looked over at my baby girl who is sleeping soundly and she smiles in her sleep. Life is precious! There are so many out there that have it worse than us and I truly believe that God made this visit happen on this day to remind me that I am blessed and life is not as bad as it sometimes seems. So with that, I pray for all of the beautiful children fighting for their lives, overcoming diseases and the ones still trying to find out what’s wrong. I pray for strength to the families who have to make some of the hardest decisions they will ever have to make. Strength to them who need to be strong for their children! God surely is great and as hard as some of His “reminders” are, I appreciate them and I appreciate the life and gifts He has given to me! Prayers and love to everyone! 

Take A Look At Life

This note comes from my personal facebook page. I wrote this about 2 months into our stay at the Ronald House when Laurelyn was at her sickest. As I sat in the room with the doctor listening to her (what at the time sounded like a big blur of words) tell us we should consider stopping all treatments as they felt we were doing more to her than for her! It was after that conversation that I started thinking about life and people taking things for granted. I learned so much about myself and about life in those 5 months we spent in the NICU! 

Not sure where to begin with this. And I know this isn’t going to be written the greatest but hopefully I can get a couple points across. I have found this to be a very emotional week for me. In these short 2 months of living in the Ronald McDonald house and constantly being at the hospital, I have learned so much. It seems lately a lot of people are complaining about how terrible their lives, family and friends are. Complaining about the weather and how it’s too hot or too cold. Food isn’t good enough, jobs suck, a cold that really isn’t that bad but complain that it feels like your life is going to end. Friends who backstab, family who fight over dumb issues or just that life in general sucks. Now I am by no means saying I am perfect. I am guilty of some of these things too! But let me explain to you some of the experiences I have witnessed and been a part of and then you look in the mirror and tell me how hard your life really is. 

When you complain about family and petty little things I want you to think about the family I saw at the hospital huddle together crying because a mom just lost her little baby and they don’t know why. It stops you dead in your tracks when you see something like that. Your heart aches for that family. All you can hear the family saying is “why don’t the doctors know why I lost my baby, how could this happen?” My prayers instantly went to that family. 

Another family with a very sick child staying with us is never without family! A mother’s life is 100% dedicated to being by that child 24 hours a day while her child is sick, fighting for their life and confined to a wheelchair. And yet some people have the nerve to complain about never getting to go out. Just try and put yourself in that child and mothers position. That is true love and dedication! 

When your food is too cold or not good enough for you, think about the little children here who can’t even keep food down because of their chemo treatments and other meds. The little kids who look at a piece of cake or candy like it is the most beautiful thing in the world but know they can’t have it because it will make them too sick. Does your food taste better now? Mine surely does! 

It’s too hot or too cold outside. There are children here who aren’t even allowed to leave their rooms because it is too dangerous to be exposed to simple germs that to us mean nothing but to them mean life or death. The only time they get to experience the weather is on the way to their doctors visits and I will tell you I have NEVER heard one of these children whine about the weather on their way out. Instead they smile and take a deep breath and embrace this weather! I have seen some of them watching the playing ground from their room windows with a smile and in my heart I know they are just dreaming of that day that they can go outside and play!

I’ve gotten to know a couple here who are struggling with trying to find a place to live. They have a newborn baby and an older one who is very sick in the hospital and social services threatening to take their oldest one away if they do not find housing within a week. They are very nice caring people who are struggling. Amazing how a situation like having a sick child can make you lose everything. In order to take care of their child and be with him in the hospital they ended up losing their jobs and their home. Is your home feeling a little more comfy yet? 

Friends stabbing you in the back? How about the single mother I have met here with a beautiful little 4 month old baby that is having very serious medical problems. She is doing this all alone. She spends her days and nights at the hospital by her baby girls side and because of that decision she also lost her job. Her baby daddy walked out on her when things got to hard and her family didn’t support the decision she made previously to be with the man she was with so they left her. This girl really touches my heart because she is a beautiful person and is going through similar things that I am! I will support her even if no one else will. How bad are your friends now?

I have met so  many incredible people since I have been here and heard some incredible stories. These are just a few of them and I can tell you that after hearing what some people are going through, life really isn’t that bad and it is true that someone out there always has it worse than you! Try and remember that the next time you complain about something petty and small. Be thankful for every little gift God has blessed you with! Don’t take life for granted! God has shown me a whole different world since being down here! He blessed me with the most amazing daughter! For those who don’t know, I was told I would never be able to have children and I even went through several fertility treatments with my ex husband. It killed me to know that I would never have kids but in this God had different plans for me. He would help me to meet a man that I would love with all of my heart and He blessed both of us with our beautiful baby girl. Even though she wasn’t planned and came 4 months early, I couldn’t be more thankful! She has shown me what true strength is and gave me a different outlook on life! I only wish everyone could see through my eyes for one day and see all of the miracles around me here at the Ronald McDonald house and the hospital. God sure is great! So please the next time you think life is so hard and rough, take a second out and think about all the people around you that may be struggling much worse than you and you don’t even know it.  Even though they may be smiling and look strong on the outside it doesn’t mean they aren’t hurting on the inside! Let the small petty things go and hug your family and your friends. Tell them you love them and appreciate them! Choose your battles. Sometimes it’s easier to just let things go and move on instead of dwelling on it and turning it into so much more than it is! I want to tell everyone I love you! I appreciate you! Even though I may not get to say it all the time I want you to know it! Prayers and Gods blessings to you all!

                                                                               With Love- Jerene

The First 5 Months Of A NICU Stay!

Just a little bit of what we have gone through! The first couple posts on here will be from her page on facebook!

Aug. 24th, 2012 Labor began. Just had my 23 week checkup the night before and everything was good. This night I ended up having cramping so went into the hospital where they told me I was dilated to a 4 and my mucus membrane was out and I was taken by ambulance to the Riverside/Amplatz hospital in Minneapolis. Once I got there I was told I had to lay still and only roll from side to side because any other movement would risk breaking my water. They gave me meds to stop the contractions and steroids to help develop Laurelyn's lungs.

Aug. 28th, 2012 I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl via c-section. I got to hear her squeak once and see her for a minute before they brought her up to the NICU and started taking care of her. She came into the world at 1 lb. 6.9 oz and just over a foot long. She fit in the palm of my hand! The tiniest most beautiful baby I have ever seen! 

Aug. 30th, 2012 Laurelyn starts receiving her first blood transfusion because her body could not produce blood fast enough for them to draw blood for tests.

Aug. 31st, 2012 Laurelyn was having problems breathing and they discovered that she was getting blood in her lungs. They put her on an oscillator to help her breathe easier and not have to work her lungs so hard.

Sept. 1st, 2012 Doctors discover that Laurelyn has Stage 3 and 4 bleeding in both sides of her brain.

Sept. 4th, 2012 Laurelyn drops to her lowest weight of 1 lb. 3 oz.

Sept. 10th, 2012 Doctors found Laurelyn has a very dangerous infection in her blood and intestines, low blood pressure and additional swelling in her brain.

Sept. 12th, 2012 Doctors pull Erik and I into a room and tell us that her infection is so bad that we should consider stopping all treatments because they feel we are doing more to her than for her. We told them to do everything they can to save our baby girl! That night she is brought down for an emergency surgery to put a tube in to fix a perforated intestine and try to fix this infection.

Sept. 20th, 2012 It has been over 3 weeks since she was born and I finally get to hold her for the first time!

Sept. 28th, 2012 A temporary shunt is placed in her head to try and reduce the blood and fluid build up.

Oct. 2nd, 2012 I was able to change her diaper for the first time!

Oct. 9th, 2012 She made it one hour off of the vent before having to go back on it.

Oct. 11th, 2012 Her shunt is tapped due to more fluid build up.

Oct. 16th, 2012 Her first time getting breastmilk!

Oct. 22nd, 2012 Her shunt is tapped again.

Oct. 25th, 2012 Shunt is tapped once again and they removed 15 mLs of fluid.

Oct. 26th, 2012 A blood clot is discovered in her left arm

Oct. 31st, 2012 Laurelyn is diagnosed with Stage 3 ROP 

Nov. 1st, 2012 VP shunt is placed

Nov. 5th, 2012 Laurelyn is struggling after her VP shunt is placed. Her lung is collapsing, she is retaining fluid and now has an infection from her tubes.

Nov. 14th, 2012 Made it off of the vent for 5 hours before being placed back on it.

Nov. 15th, 2012 A fracture is found in her left arm

Nov. 28th, 2012 She is off of her vent for good and placed on CPAP

Dec. 21st, 2012 My actual due date!

Dec. 26th, 2012 I was able to bottle feed for the first time!

Dec. 31st, 2012 She is placed on low flow 

Jan. 9th, 2013 We start meeting with the discharge nurse!

Jan. 13th, 2013 I got to give her a bath for the first time and daddy fed her a bottle for the first time!

Jan. 17th, 2013 Laurelyn decided to stop taking feedings by mouth so she is sent down to have a g-tube placed and to fix a hernia in her belly button.

Jan. 25th, 2013 She passed her carseat test!

Jan. 28, 2013 Laurelyn is 5 months old today and we are going home!!!

*With her ROP she had 2 injections done in both eyes but I am unsure of the dates. I know there is more stuff but I will have to look back to find it and when I do I will add it to this list!